Thursday, January 3, 2008

Christmas Report

Well, sorry, my computer ate the words on my last post. I was so frustrated that I just turned it off and played Wii! (New favorite past time at our house since we still don't have TV! I have learned how to watch old Law and Order episodes on the computer!LOL) So let me try this again.

My sisters and brother and their families all decided to make Christmas a little easier on us this year. (No one wanted to clean and cook!) So we went out to eat at a Chinese buffet instead. Don't ask how we chose Chinese! Nothing really Christmas about that to us Americans! Anyway, afterwards we did go to Anna's for dessert and presents! Of course the kids had a blast. They just love getting together and playing! It is a wild and loud house with 8 cousins running around. My family draws names and we added the kids to the name draw this year. It was amazing how much there was even with that! We found gifts for the kids in mom's closet when we were cleaning out this summer, so I wrapped those up and each of the bigger kids got a gift from Mor-Mor. They were all very excited. (We didn't give Josiah one since he here when she would have been shopping.) We also found mom's collection of Santa Clauses. Several years ago she started a "dirty Santa" game with Santa Claus figurines. She just happened to have 8! So we wrapped these up and played the game this year with her collection. We had the same laughs as always. There always tends to be at least one ugly Santa and one everyone likes. But this year we had the added difficulty of already having some of the Santa's in our own collection. In the end I think it turned out so everyone was pretty happy. I actually got a very pretty one this year. I always end up with the ugly ones for one reason or another!

Then Steve's brother, mom and step-dad came and stayed with us for Christmas eve and a couple of days following. We really enjoyed having them and it was Grandmother's first year to be present first thing in the morning. She got an up close and personal seat since we do not have a guest room and everyone was camped out in sleeping bags and couches! Hopefully we will have more room next year!

As I mentioned before I did a lot of cooking and was quite tired in the end, but it was a great Christmas. That seems really weird to say being this is the first Christmas without mom. It was hard on all of us without a doubt. I don't think you can lose someone so important in your life and it not be felt for a very long time if not forever. I felt like I was waiting on someone else to arrive the whole time. I caught myself looking out the window or over my shoulder. I used mom's recipes for all the food. It was comforting to at least have her food present. I think Jana also used a lot of mom's recipes this year in her cooking. We are really fortunate because a few years ago mom and her friend Francine put together these wonderful recipe books for us. She had recipes from all our grandmas and mothers-in-law in there. We never knew it would be such a treasured book so soon. But I still wanted to ask her questions. I think I talk to her a lot in my head. You know, something will happen and I think "mom, you would..." or "can you believe..." I used to call my mom several times a day so I guess it is hard to break that habit.

Several days before Christmas, my daughter was talking to a cousin and told him that since Mor-Mor died mom has cried. I smiled almost embarrassed and said yes I do cry some. Her eyes then got really big and wide and she looked serious and like she knew something I didn't and quietly said "a lot" and added a little nod. So I determined then and there that I would not cry on Christmas. I didn't and I was rather pleased with myself. Well said daughter was not fairing as well as I thought. She had been cranky before Christmas and I just thought she was tired, excited, loaded on sugar etc. Then a few days after Christmas a couple of friends came over to play and she was VERY CROSS. I sent her to her room and followed to have a talkin' to. As we were talking she suddenly burst into tears and collapsed on the floor. She looked at me and said she had been wanting to go to Mor-Mor's but would remember that she was not longer there. So we sat on the floor and just cried together for some time (thank goodness the friends were caught up in a game of Wii). After a good long cry she relaxed. I asked what she wanted to do: visit the cemetery, write Mor-Mor a letter or draw a picture. She said no to all this and simply stated "I want to go ride". This means ride one of her favorite horses. So we did. I took her to Steve's aunt's and she rode in the freezing cold for a couple of hours. Her little joy has returned and she is much sweeter. Now, we are going to work on doing little projects that remind us of happy times with Mor-Mor. I told her we would do some things that mom used to do with us such as tea parties in the living room, making play dough, chocolate chip pancakes, cooking in the kitchen together, etc. She also promised me she would tell me next time she was sad about mom before she gets cross like that again. It must be really hard for the little ones to process loss. They don't have the vocabulary or friend structure that we have. I must remember to include her more in my grief process.

1 comment:

Star Molegraaf said...

i am very close to my mom as well and can only imagine your pain. My heart hurts for your sweet family. praying for yall.